I remember the first time I realized that I wanted to be like noone else.
I was lying on my mom’s bed atop this off white beaded bedspread.
My 2 older sisters woke me up fighting and screaming and scratching
at each other. And my infant brain could sort out the thought, ‘not me.’
I remember the first time I taught myself to decipher words. You can say
read, I say decipher, cause I had to figure this out, it was imperative, my
mom was feeding me carrots and pretending they were sweet potatoes
So I went on my hunt for clues. I knew which cupboard my mom kept
my Gerber baby food. I pushed a kitchen table chair up to the
cupboard and crawled up onto the kitchen counter. I opened the
cupboard and there it was, a treasure trove of Gerber baby food.
There was green, orange, and even purple. My main concern was
the orange, so I seperated all the colors of orange that was in the
cupboard. I then seperated the ones that were labeled alike
together. Then I set out to figure which was the carrot. I flashbacked
to my last feeding and I recalled the letters of that spoonful of nasty
mush that had last hit my mouth, c-a-r-r-o-t-s. Found it! I placed them
to one side of the cabinet. Then I looked at the one that had an
orange color, but was softer, p-e-a-c-h-e-s, my fave. That was
placed in the middle. All that was left was the, s-w-e-e-t p-o-t-a-t-o-e-s.
My second fave, it was placed on the other side of the cabinet. Now
all I had to do was watch as my mom took them out of the cupboard
in order to know what I would eat and what I would refuse. I would
have to check if my method worked then come back and figure out the
green stuff…which all were YECH! anyway.
I remember the first time I turned invisible. We came home from
what some call a church, but we call it a meeting hall. I was still
dressed in my finery, sunday best, stupid dress. I was dying of
thirst. I mean, open my mouth and sand came out, dry. So I
ask mom, ‘Can I have some water?’ This was asked 22 100
times. (I couldn’t count yet exactly, use your imagination.)
Finally she said, ‘LORETTA, GET THIS BABY SOME WATER!’
I heard, ‘Ok, ma.’ So I stood in the hall patiently. All of a sudden
ZOOM! Off sped my sister passed me and out the door to play,
after having changed out of her sunday best. Ma went to the
kitchen, I followed, she got what she went for and left.
And there I stood, looking at the tap where the water would gush
from, if only I could reach the handles to turn it on. No matter
how I stretched I couldn’t reach. No, not even after pushing a
kitchen table chair up to the sink. Out of the corner of my eye
I saw it, a bottle of Creomulsion cough syrup. I grabbed it up
and drunk the whole entire, newly bought, bottle. I climbed down
and thought to myself, ‘hmmm, still thrsty,’ I walked towards our
back door and stepped out onto our back porch and collapsed.
I remember the first time I cheated death…well okay, I don’t.
I was kind of busy dying. After substituting a bottle of cough syrup,
for water, (not recommended, especially when it held more alcohol
then a bottle of wine) I collapsed on our back steps which
were 8 feet high, about 19 steep steps. Loretta, my oldest sister
came around the corner of the house just in time to catch me
and prevent me from breaking my neck. I was rushed to the hospital,
so they told me, and had my stomach pumped. I was probably high
for a month.
My firsts, which were all experienced at 10 months, 2 years, and 3 years old,
respectively, all determined my personality, fears, likes, dislikes, etc
at a very early age. I still search and hunt for truth, deciphering
life’s mysteries. I still am invisible to most, so I have to be good
company for myself. I also don’t drink because of my first drunk
being just a little too eventful. There are other facets of my
personality that it all speaks to, but this is all I’ll share for now.
I feel a moment of invisibility coming on.