Love or something like it

One of life’s most intriguing mysteries, is why do we fall in love with the one that is not for us?

Some dream of the moment love will happen to them, but not everyone. Some intentionally turn that part of possibly one of life’s greatest pleasures, off. Based on fear, of course, fear of loss, pain from that loss and fear of getting out of control.

Then it happens and the one that held onto the thought of never falling, falls the hardest. The fall is so hard it’s almost violent, like if you can step outside of your body you will see that your body is in pieces, smashed beyond any recognition. You find yourself not asking, “Why did I wait so long?” but instead you scream, “No, please God, no!”

You find yourself doing things you never thought you would do, like staying up 24/7 if that person needs you for 5 minutes out of each day.  And yet, you are afraid to be around them for any length of time because this may be the day that you lose your senses and tell them that you want them so much that the feeling suffocates you. That you would be so fucked up one day that words of love would come streaming from your lips when for years you have held them back with an iron resolve. Oh the love of your life has heard the words of love from you and they may even think that you have expressed yourself very well, but little do they know that the love they have experienced with you is only the tip of a very big iceberg, one that runs so deep into frigid waters that a nuclear bomb couldn’t move it.

And as cheesy as it may sound,  a smell that lingers on your mind, reminds you of them, even if you don’t know their scent, it’s just  something about it that made your heart skip as they do. You find yourself touching the softest blanket on your bed and wishing it was their skin. And music…damn, every love song is about them, how can you find original words when it seems the writers of every love word you hear or see has already spoken the words you most wanna say. That if you had 3 wishes one of them would be to spend  your life with them. That as days and nights would pass me by, I tell myself that I was waiting for a sign, then she appeared, a love so fine, my valentine. That I will love her for life and I will never let a day go by without remembering the reason why she makes me certain that I can fly. That I wouldn’t beg for water but I’ll get down on my knees for you. Stay with me, forever won’t you stay with me.  All I got to do is to love you, all I got to be is be happy. These arms of mine, they are yearning, yearning from wanting you and if you would just let me hold you, how grateful I would be. A little pain in my heart, just won’t let me be, I wake up on a restless night, lord and I can’t even sleep. You’ve got me in your hands, why can’t you understand, that I love you, honey, more than words can say. For you I will try to pick up those broken pieces until I’m bleeding if that will make you mine. Hear you’re gone, but your goodness still stays on, and I thank you for these precious memories for without them it just ain’t worth living. Love is what it does and our love’s doing nothing, with all the time we spent it must be good for something, please forgive all the disturbance I’m creating, but you’ve got a lot to learn if you think that I’m not waiting for you.

But not all love, no matter how real, how strong, how cosmic, means that you should be with the person that your heart has stopped for.  Something, it could be one little small, infinitesimal thing, that is very clear to you both, that makes it an impossible situation and so your love goes denied. And you realize, it isn’t better to have loved then to not have loved at all, whoever came up with that concept was never in love truly. It’s the difference between having a surgeon open your chest and carefully remove your heart out while you sleep or having a walking zombie just come along and rip your heart out and bite into it while it’s still beating and you’re watching. Sometimes the greatest love means you let them go, especially if you are not good for them in the moment. It’s a cruel time indeed when you come into the knowledge of knowing you are not the best thing that could happen to them in this life. So if something causes you to lose touch and somehow it feels like a blessing in disguise, although your insides are tearing up, then it may just be time to set love free.

And yet still you know: I’d have to be strong
Stronger than a mountain baby
To not crumble at the touch of your hand
I’d have to stop time
To stop this love inside me baby
To not reach each night for you
To not need you like I do
I could possess all the greatest powers baby
I could hold the whole world here
In my hands
And still I would be powerless to leave you baby
‘Cause your touch is just too sweet
And I’m in this love so deep

I’d have to be super human
Made out of stone, made out of steel
To not feel what i’m feeling
To not love you baby, love you baby
I’d have to have the strength of 10 men
To ever resist a love strong as this
To not care like I do
I’d have to be, have to be super human

…or something like it.

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